He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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