I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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