Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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