So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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