all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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