I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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