my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
