You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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