i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
