You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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