my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
