Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
