I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
