Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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