so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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