I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it because I queefed?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
