He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
