I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
