My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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