Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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