i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
