Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
