We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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