I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
