before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
