when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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