They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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