You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
