Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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