I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
