The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize