I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
