And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
