I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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