He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
