I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
