According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize