Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
