so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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