To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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