just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
