walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
