im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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