dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
