just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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