exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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