Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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