how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
