you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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