The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
