she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
