i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
