my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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