Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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