my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
