I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
