i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
