she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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