How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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