dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
