There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
