Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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