Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The power of my boobs compel you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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