She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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