i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
