I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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