youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
