K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
