Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
