i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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