Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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