Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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