I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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