Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like eating out sand paper
birth control should be required to get into college
The beer is more important than you right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
