is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
