I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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