The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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