At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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