Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
