UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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