I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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