Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
