We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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