youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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