I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
