that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
